this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize