I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
