So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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