Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
