hotel room ftw
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
