i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize