Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
