Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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