His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
