I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
