Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
