Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
