He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
