Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
