Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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