It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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