Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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