whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
