That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize