she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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