Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
its liver damage thursday
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