Kiss
Puke
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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