he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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