well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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