Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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