I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His nipple licking is glorious
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