Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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