Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
