nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
