hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
