He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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