Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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