My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
