i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize