shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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