yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
