Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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