NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
