we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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