I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
