I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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