i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
