You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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