guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
