He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize