Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Alive.
So much puke
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
