Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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