i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
