Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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