i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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