so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
