Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
