The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
