I faked an abortion last night.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
