i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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