If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
