I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
