we're blogging at a bar
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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