While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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