he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
