So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize