College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
