i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
