What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
