After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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