my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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