At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
