They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
